Well here I sit, angry again and disgusted with myself and a "friend" that continues to call me with all of her unhealthiness. Why is it so difficult for me to tell her I don't want to hear her problems anymore? One little boundary and I can't seem to set it. Instead I continue to ignore her so of course she is calling more and leaving more messages.
I am sick to my stomach over this. I need to pick up the phone and call her and when she starts her pitiful story telling, I need to tell her I am not comfortable listening to negative conversations.
Anybody out there with some advice??? I can't believe how angry I am. I need to get to unconditional love and tell her how I feel and let go...I need to get to a gentle place before I speak to her as to blast her is hardly a heathy way to go about setting my boundary.
I guess I can't believe that someone would believe I want to get dragged into all her drama EVERYTIME she calls.
I am finally in the grateful phase of my life and am choosing to give thanks for all that comes into my life.
Don't know what else to say but hopefully I can write of my success in setting my boundaries with her soon...
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2 comments:
Thanks for sharing your honest feelings. I have to remember I am entitled to all of my feelings and that my feelings are not good or bad. They just are and that is okay....so there is my acceptance of my feelings. After I accept them and prevent myself for shaming myself for being human and entitled to my feelings, I dig a little deeper...what are my feelings trying to tell me? If I am angry, it is likely someone crossed a boundary (which you have identified for yourself in this situation---AWESOME!!).
Again, anger is not good nor bad. It is just energy and it is signalling us to take care of ourself. If you still feel it, that's okay...process it (which you clearly are by writing about it and seeking support). Keep processing it until you neutralize it and figure out why this triggers you so much. Is it because you are still hanging onto your own negative energy that you are not ready to release yet? What benefit to you get from hanging onto it?
For me, hanging onto my negative energy keeps me in the entitlement to my anger...for so long, I was not allowed in my family of origin to be angry or express anger. Now that I am a big girl, I really like and benefit from getting angry because I never got to experience it before....that's just me...I digress...
I know this may be a stretch, but this is a suggestion someone has given me to handle my anger or uncomfortable "fallout" situations: visualize the person in meditation and send them love. Even if you can't stay in the thought longer than a second, send them love. Sounds crazy, but it does help tremendously...we can't stay angry if we are consciously and actively getting our minds to love and sending love!!! God is great with this stuff!!! This is not linear, either....you have to do it over and over.
By sending love and processing the anger, your compassion will return and clarity will be delivered. You will be able to set your boundary respectfully, detach with love and let God handle the rest.
Thanks for letting me share my experience, strength and hope with you. I look forward to hearing more about your experience, strenght and hope with this situation.
You are dancing with your shadow...let your light lead and all will be well!
Once it is neutralized
Wow, this is the real thing, you know, the boundary issue. Trying to learn where I end and you begin. Confrontation is so scary I will do some really ridiculous things to avoid them. Then I feel so sticky, like a fly stuck to flypaper. Bonded to my Enemy, the thing that will kill me, my resentment and rage that you won't let go of me and are making me tell you to let go of me. I get pissed cause the other person can't read my mind. I get pissed at myself cause if or when I do confront, my body slumps, i avoid eye contact, my voice shakes and I end up modifying what I intended to say. Cause I don't want to hurt your feelings I tell myself, but if I get closer inside me I feel like a coward. It really isn't about not hurting you, it's about standing at my boundary line and saying, You can't come any closer! But what boundary line? Where? So I must do the footwork. Before facing others I must face myself up close and personal. I must leap in at Step One and write The Story of My Life. And as painful as it might be, it won't be as terrifying as the feelings exploding out of me right here, right now. Someone has to stand up for me. Right here, right now. This line. Here.
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